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I do not remember the beginning of this story so well as I remember the middle and end of it.

Grant and I had come home from a day out, probably exploring the woods somewhere to the south of our fair city, and we showered and ate and wandered up to my room. We have made a habit of watching old episodes of Star Trek—from season 1, episode 1, on through the end, in sequential order, thank you SO much for that, Netflix—at night before bed. This night was no exception. We stripped to our skivvies and spooned while listening to the dulcet tones of a young William Shatner’s voice.

It isn’t so much that I really go for a young Captain Kirk (though I must admit he was a beautiful man) as the fact that I melt when Grant’s hand wanders across my bare breast. This is the familiar touch from a partner who simultaneously wants to show his affection and who is also aware that the right kind of caress will make my back arch and press my hips to his groin.

Grant’s left arm holds up his head while his right snakes over my waist to hold my breast and play with my nipple. This calculated touch has its desired effect as I squirm against him and lose my ability to focus on the computer screen. Grant’s breath against my ears and neck makes my nipples harden further, and I am not even attempting to pay attention to our TV show. I reach over and close the laptop and roll over to face him. Grant does not waste time, and after he returns my kiss he pushes me onto my back.

Grant is on top of me, using his weight to pin me in place. My hips press into his belly as he slides down my body, stopping at my neck and shoulders to suck and bite, and again at my nipples. He kneads one breast while kissing the other. I am incapable of silence. He moves further down my belly and lands between my thighs. He peels my panties down from my hips.

“Margot,” he says. “Is that a wet spot on your panties?”

I laugh and wink. “I’m ovulating.”

Grant lands between my thighs again. He approximates his face against the skin between my legs; he inhales deeply, and flicks his tongue over the fold of flesh to either side of my labia, between my leg and my mons. I sigh. I am quivering and aching. Grant is taking his time, and turning his attentions into agony. His eyes are closed in focus.

When he finally parts my cleft, it is with his tongue. He is light at first, and then firmer, but always slow. By now I am so sensitive that a touch even half so pressing as this would overwhelm me. Grants hands alternate between gripping my ass and seeming to pull me into his mouth, like he wants to devour me whole from my pelvis outwards, to crawling up my torso to twist and flick my nipples. He occasionally slaps my breast, which after I gasp makes my skin so sensitive to his advances that I feel like I might orgasm from a flick of his fingers on my tits alone.

When I orgasm I pull his hair. I use it to steer his face into me, while my back arches and my legs flex. My hips crack in response to all my opposing forces. Grant sucks on my clit and concurrently flicks his tongue across it, and I dissolve into his mouth.

He pulls away from me and returns my panties to me. I reach for his body and am surprised when he rebuffs me:

“Margot,” he says, “I’m really tired.”

“Oh,” I am surprised. “Ok. Nothing, then?”

“That wasn’t nothing for me.” His boxers have a tiny, tiny wet spot over the fly that betrays a certain amount of fluid, but nothing even approaching an orgasm.

“Ok. I would love to fuck you. Let me know if you change your mind.” I say, pulling my panties up over my hips. I’m satisfied with his explanation: Grant occasionally goes through periods where all he wants to do is eat pussy, nothing else. This is one of the reasons why he’s delightful.

It’s cool in my bedroom. We embrace under the covers, spooning again: this time with one of his arms under my neck and the other around my waist, with his beard tickling my neck when he breathes. He runs his hands across my belly and thighs as I press back into his torso. Eventually we are still.

I am about to sleep when I feel his hands moving again, running up to my breast and down to my legs, pressing and pulling my flesh as he explores. His hand finds its way to the elastic of my panties, while the hand under my neck grips my tit and flicks my nipple. I am immediately cognizant of the fact that Grants cock is pressing against my ass and is growing more and more insistent. His fingers slide down to my still-damp pussy and begin to massage my clit.

The sensation of his breath on my earlobe, his beard on my neck, and his hands exploring me combine into a tension that seems to pull everything towards the center of my back and down to the middle of body.

Grant’s hand pulls away from my pussy and reaches to the back of my panties. He pulls them halfway down my thighs before freeing his cock from his boxers. He grabs my hipbone and pulls it back, and tilts his pelvis just so he can slide inside me. He grunts. The hand that was under my neck to fondle my breast is now pressing against my shoulder and holding my torso in place while Grant fucks me.

He is rough with me. He is urgent. He pulls my panties further down my legs, and I can slip one foot out of them.

Without words or preamble, Grant pulls his arms out from around me, and pushes my hips and shoulders so I am face down on the bed.  Without exiting my body, he has positioned himself on top of me, his knees between my thighs and his weight pressing down on me. He continues to fuck me as he repositions me into a shallow doggystyle pose. I am moaning into a pillow as his breathing grows more labored. His hands are now free to spank my ass as hard as he wants.

When he hikes my hips a little further up, he repositions me just enough that his dick presses against my cervix and g-spot with every thrust. I don’t suppress the orgasm that this forces me to have, and I feel myself drenching the bed as my pussy tightens around Grant’s cock.

Grant is about 30 seconds behind me. When he comes I can feel his ejaculate leaking out of my pussy around his dick.  His hands are gripping my hips, and he gasps my name. These are the only words spoken between the two of us for the last 20 minutes.

When he is done, he slides forward and lies on top of me and his hands cover mine. I turn my face to kiss his lips and he runs a hand through my hair. After a minute or two, he rolls off of me and I press my body to his, with my head in the space where his arm joins his chest. I will sleep here, my naked body pressed to his, with his arms wrapped around me.

“That was definitely not nothing for you,” I say. I am, at best, a quarter awake.

“Definitely not,” Grant replies. 

weights

I have a crush on the gym. The gym at my school is windowless and a touch dank, with a variety of machines that are fully functional about 80% of the time. Because this is a gym associated with a grad school and it is not frequented by undergrads, most of the population to be found here are less interested in checking others out and more interested in maintaining either optimum health or blowing off excess steam. It is full of beautiful, distracted people; all of them in their own worlds and forgetting their stressful careers in favor of the treadmill, the weights, or pickup basketball.

Athleticism and sexuality are deeply intertwined in my psyche, and I'm fairly certain I'm not alone in this. It's not a great leap to start at spandex on the stationery cycle and a sweaty acquaintance’s grunting with weights. At a zenith it is almost impossible to complete a workout without salivating.

**********

2:00pm is not a busy time at the gym. The people who manage to come then are people who take a late lunch, who have irregular schedules, or are students. People at the gym at 2:00pm are in the habit of sweating. They are acclimated to old tshirts and short shorts in a kind of exclusive public that is limited to only other people like themselves. The early afternoon is my favorite time to check a workout off of my task list. I walk in, exchange my membership card for my locker key and a towel from the extraordinarily bored clerk, and walk across the stationary bikes to the locker room. I stand in front of my locker for a minute, collecting myself before I strip and costume in black spandex shorts, a grey tanktop, a headband, and running shoes. I gather my water bottle, my key, and my ipod, and I head over to a stairstepper.

Exercise equipment forces a certain posture: eight inches taller, hips thrust backwards and shoulders pressed forward, a rhythmic, complimentary flex-and-release of the buttocks is a hypnotic undulation. Everyone is on a different tempo. I pick a machine and settle into my own pace*. I start to sweat. From here, I can watch people enter and leave.

There are two gentlemen who never fail to catch my eye.

They are both about four inches taller than I am. One has a darker complexion, with dark eyes that crinkle at the corner when he smiles. He has transformed over the past few years from slim and willowy to solid, with the same narrow hips and waist but with a new broadness to his back. The other is larger and square: he shows off his chest hair with a tank top and sways when he walks. His stubble perpetually offsets the apparent youth of his rounded face. They are workout partners. They are friendly. They laugh loudly in between sets and stifle grunts during reps.

They always smile and wave at me when they come in: “Hey Margot! I see you're giving it hell today!” the crinkle-eyed one says to me. He teases me like this all the time.

“I do my best, Jack!” I grin back at him. He and Ted meander over to the weight room.

I finish on my machine. I am bright pink, my hair is dripping, and my shirt sticks to me. I clean the equipment off and go to the weight room for the second half of my workout.

I am on autopilot: the routine of sweating is comforting and helps me dissipate the stress of my day to day. The moment after a normal workout is, for me, not altogether unlike a moment after an orgasm: there is clarity, tranquility, and a very particular odor. I am almost there, but not quite.

I walk into the weight room. It is empty except for me, Jack, and Ted. They are ignoring me, and spotting each other: Jack lies on the bench and Ted is over him. I get an exercise ball and some weights. As I lie on top of it—hips pointing towards the ceiling, knees spread apart for stability, chest opened with my arms at my sides, toes pointing towards the only other two people in the room—I am made acutely aware that I am ovulating by both my posture and the sounds coming from my companions.

I lift my weights. I put them down again. I do this again, with a moaning, grunting sound at the peak of exertion. My eyes are closed and I am focused on the tension in my muscles as I complete this self-assigned task.

Up. Down.

I do not immediately notice that my friends are now silent. There is no more clanking and ringing from their side of the gym, there are no more grunts, and there is just some faint chatter between the two of them. I am focused.

I complete my set.

I open my eyes and sit up.

I notice that from across the room, my two friends have barely changed posture, but they are no longer focused on bench presses and are instead focused on me. I am suddenly aware that gym shorts are an extraordinarily revealing garment on a sexually aroused man. I smile at them, and bounce a little on the  exercise ball.

“I didn't know you lifted weight like that, Margot.” Ted is half-smiling. “I didn't realize you were that strong. Would you mind coming over here and help me out with spotting Jack? I can show you how if you've never done it.”

I have spent a considerable amount of time moaning into my pillows and bringing myself to orgasm to the fantasy of this moment**. The gym is cold; my nipples harden as I step over.

I stand at the head of the bench. Ted is behind me and off to the side. He and Jack are both covered in sweat: I can smell them as I approach and now that we are so close it's overwhelming. The smell goes straight from my nostrils to my gut to my vulva.

Jack unracks the bar. There is clearly more weight on it than I can be expected to spot. He does a rep, then two, then starts to falter. I lean forward like I am useful here, and so does Ted, both his arms around me. This is completely ineffective for spotting and absolutely perfect for getting me wet. The two of us grab the bar and rerack it for Jack, who is panting heavily.

Ted pulls one hand off the equipment and puts it on my hip, pulling me back to him and breathing on the back of my ear. I inhale sharply as my lower back angles itself of its own accord to his touch. I am frozen for a moment as he puts his other hand on me and peels down my spandex without saying a word.

Jack is still panting, but now he is paying attention. There is a characteristic bulge underneath the shiny nylon of his shorts. He runs his reddened hands down his body to his pelvis, under the elastic to his growing penis, which he pulls into view.

Ted is kissing my neck and rubbing my clit as he pulls down his shorts. I grind my hips into him with a rhythm from earlier in the afternoon. He asks me to turn around. I do. He pulls over a second bench and sits down.

Jack puts one hand on my thigh, and asks me to step back a little. No, a little more. He asks me to straddle his face, knees on the racks on either side of the bench. He continues to stroke himself as he guides me down. I sigh. My hips sway back and forth over his face while he sucks on my labia and clit.

Ted is staring straight through me and stroking his cock. I return his gaze, put my hands on his thighs, and bend forward. His salt-tasting erection is in my mouth, my hands are still on his legs for balance and one of his hands grips my sweaty hair, the other cupping his testicles. Jack and I make the muffled sounds of people who love the taste of orgasms, while Ted sighs and squeezes my body.

We continue like this until I cannot form a tight seal when I try to silence the moans of my orgasm. I am shaking as my pelvis gyrates at a frequency faster than the one I consciously set, despite Jack's firm grip on the bend where my hip meets my thigh. I whimper and am still for a moment.

 I stand. I take Jack's hand off of his penis, and as a gratuity for the service he just provided me, I straddle his hips and fill my pussy with his erection. I am tight from the orgasm he gave me. He gasps,  grabs me and digs his fingers in. I ride him, facing his feet.

Ted walks over, swings a leg over his friend's lower half, and feeds me his cock. I wrap one hand around his waist and pull him in and the other forms a ring that follows my mouth. His hands are in my hair. He groans and fills my mouth with come. Everything tastes of salt and musk.

My pussy starts to tighten around Jack. My thighs burn as I ride him through climaxes: first mine, then his. His fingers leave small, red bruises over the crests of my hipbones.

I stand, my legs shaky from exertion. Jack sits up and pulls me down next to him, as if he were spotting me in my unsteady stance. Ted collects my shorts hands and hands them to me with a towel. The three of us are flushed and grinning. Jack, who is so very considerate of the needs of others, grabs a rag and the bottle of spray cleaner for the bench, and wipes it down.

“Do you have plans after your shower?” Jack asks me. His voice is the same as half an hour ago, when we were friends who went to the gym at the same time.

“I was going to grab a coffee and maybe a sandwich.”

“Mind if we join?”

“I'd be delighted.”

I kiss them each on the cheek. Ted slaps my ass lightly as I walk away. I half-smile at him; he half-smiles back.

The receptionist is completely asleep at the front desk.

*Recently, this pace is almost, but not quite, entirely Girl Talk, Robyn, and Cut Copy-based. You know, if you're interested.

**How meta.

Pi

I am not on the pill.

I used to be. My periods came like clockwork every three weeks, only on weekdays, and for five days at a time. My mood was even. My libido wasn't dormant, but sex was a thing that I did to scratch other people's itches. I learned to take pleasure and find pride in other people's enjoyment of my body. This lasted eight years, and then I switched to a copper IUD.

Now I live inside my flesh. My body changes with my cycles: the skin on my stomach is tighter and looser; my breasts sometimes fuller and sometimes more supple. There was a space between my self and my surface that is now occupied by a humming desire whose frequency oscillates in a sine wave between noticeable and insatiable. When I ovulate my wave is at its peak; my angle is pi divided by my two legs.

At this peak, even walking is thrilling. My hips are dancing while the rest of me meanders. I have figured out how to control my bouncing breasts: at my peak I pop them with every step and my nipples assert themselves through my shirt. A breeze, a flutter of my scarf, the tickle of a hem, and the rub of my jeans across my thighs all feel faintly of a caress. My eyes flash at men and women, and I am almost concerned, but mostly excited, that they can smell that I am half-aroused by staring while walking.

I have a lover, though he is not always available when I need him to be. At my peak, my pussy is always slightly wet and reddened, and waiting for my lover is an impossible chore. I shower before he comes to see me, and I shave every hair from my legs and vulva and knead lotion into my newly smooth skin. I put on my robe and sit on my bed and as I wait for him my hands squeeze the insides of my thighs and creep up to my labia. My physiology is heightened and my response is quick: I am slick to my own touch as my clitoris hardens under my fingers.

I consider waiting. I decide against it. I open my robe and open my body.

My right middle finger massages my clitoris as my left hand cups the whole of my smooth sex. It heats my hand and I slip two fingers inside as my hips thrust up to consume them. I find the rough patch behind my pubis and stroke it in time with my right hand's action. My breathing is labored and my thighs flex against my hips. I pant, hold my breath, and finally moan and arch. I am calm for a moment and I pull my hand out of my body. I smell of sweat and want.

It is at this moment that my lover opens my bedroom door. He does not turn away from my disheveled state, but instead kisses my lips, licks my fingers and opens my robe further as he presses his body into mine.