a surprise.

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wordless

I do not remember the beginning of this story so well as I remember the middle and end of it.

Grant and I had come home from a day out, probably exploring the woods somewhere to the south of our fair city, and we showered and ate and wandered up to my room. We have made a habit of watching old episodes of Star Trek—from season 1, episode 1, on through the end, in sequential order, thank you SO much for that, Netflix—at night before bed. This night was no exception. We stripped to our skivvies and spooned while listening to the dulcet tones of a young William Shatner’s voice.

It isn’t so much that I really go for a young Captain Kirk (though I must admit he was a beautiful man) as the fact that I melt when Grant’s hand wanders across my bare breast. This is the familiar touch from a partner who simultaneously wants to show his affection and who is also aware that the right kind of caress will make my back arch and press my hips to his groin.

Grant’s left arm holds up his head while his right snakes over my waist to hold my breast and play with my nipple. This calculated touch has its desired effect as I squirm against him and lose my ability to focus on the computer screen. Grant’s breath against my ears and neck makes my nipples harden further, and I am not even attempting to pay attention to our TV show. I reach over and close the laptop and roll over to face him. Grant does not waste time, and after he returns my kiss he pushes me onto my back.

Grant is on top of me, using his weight to pin me in place. My hips press into his belly as he slides down my body, stopping at my neck and shoulders to suck and bite, and again at my nipples. He kneads one breast while kissing the other. I am incapable of silence. He moves further down my belly and lands between my thighs. He peels my panties down from my hips.

“Margot,” he says. “Is that a wet spot on your panties?”

I laugh and wink. “I’m ovulating.”

Grant lands between my thighs again. He approximates his face against the skin between my legs; he inhales deeply, and flicks his tongue over the fold of flesh to either side of my labia, between my leg and my mons. I sigh. I am quivering and aching. Grant is taking his time, and turning his attentions into agony. His eyes are closed in focus.

When he finally parts my cleft, it is with his tongue. He is light at first, and then firmer, but always slow. By now I am so sensitive that a touch even half so pressing as this would overwhelm me. Grants hands alternate between gripping my ass and seeming to pull me into his mouth, like he wants to devour me whole from my pelvis outwards, to crawling up my torso to twist and flick my nipples. He occasionally slaps my breast, which after I gasp makes my skin so sensitive to his advances that I feel like I might orgasm from a flick of his fingers on my tits alone.

When I orgasm I pull his hair. I use it to steer his face into me, while my back arches and my legs flex. My hips crack in response to all my opposing forces. Grant sucks on my clit and concurrently flicks his tongue across it, and I dissolve into his mouth.

He pulls away from me and returns my panties to me. I reach for his body and am surprised when he rebuffs me:

“Margot,” he says, “I’m really tired.”

“Oh,” I am surprised. “Ok. Nothing, then?”

“That wasn’t nothing for me.” His boxers have a tiny, tiny wet spot over the fly that betrays a certain amount of fluid, but nothing even approaching an orgasm.

“Ok. I would love to fuck you. Let me know if you change your mind.” I say, pulling my panties up over my hips. I’m satisfied with his explanation: Grant occasionally goes through periods where all he wants to do is eat pussy, nothing else. This is one of the reasons why he’s delightful.

It’s cool in my bedroom. We embrace under the covers, spooning again: this time with one of his arms under my neck and the other around my waist, with his beard tickling my neck when he breathes. He runs his hands across my belly and thighs as I press back into his torso. Eventually we are still.

I am about to sleep when I feel his hands moving again, running up to my breast and down to my legs, pressing and pulling my flesh as he explores. His hand finds its way to the elastic of my panties, while the hand under my neck grips my tit and flicks my nipple. I am immediately cognizant of the fact that Grants cock is pressing against my ass and is growing more and more insistent. His fingers slide down to my still-damp pussy and begin to massage my clit.

The sensation of his breath on my earlobe, his beard on my neck, and his hands exploring me combine into a tension that seems to pull everything towards the center of my back and down to the middle of body.

Grant’s hand pulls away from my pussy and reaches to the back of my panties. He pulls them halfway down my thighs before freeing his cock from his boxers. He grabs my hipbone and pulls it back, and tilts his pelvis just so he can slide inside me. He grunts. The hand that was under my neck to fondle my breast is now pressing against my shoulder and holding my torso in place while Grant fucks me.

He is rough with me. He is urgent. He pulls my panties further down my legs, and I can slip one foot out of them.

Without words or preamble, Grant pulls his arms out from around me, and pushes my hips and shoulders so I am face down on the bed.  Without exiting my body, he has positioned himself on top of me, his knees between my thighs and his weight pressing down on me. He continues to fuck me as he repositions me into a shallow doggystyle pose. I am moaning into a pillow as his breathing grows more labored. His hands are now free to spank my ass as hard as he wants.

When he hikes my hips a little further up, he repositions me just enough that his dick presses against my cervix and g-spot with every thrust. I don’t suppress the orgasm that this forces me to have, and I feel myself drenching the bed as my pussy tightens around Grant’s cock.

Grant is about 30 seconds behind me. When he comes I can feel his ejaculate leaking out of my pussy around his dick.  His hands are gripping my hips, and he gasps my name. These are the only words spoken between the two of us for the last 20 minutes.

When he is done, he slides forward and lies on top of me and his hands cover mine. I turn my face to kiss his lips and he runs a hand through my hair. After a minute or two, he rolls off of me and I press my body to his, with my head in the space where his arm joins his chest. I will sleep here, my naked body pressed to his, with his arms wrapped around me.

“That was definitely not nothing for you,” I say. I am, at best, a quarter awake.

“Definitely not,” Grant replies. 

Q: who has two thumbs and a boyfriend who likes smut??

What up, y'all!


Allow me to explain my absence with a Venn diagram:

This Venn diagram is extra true when you've got a new boyfriend and you really don't want to fuck it up. As you may have noticed, my new boyfriend is less new, and has now earned his own tag over here in my little corner of the internet. Grant knows about this blog and he approves: it's not so much that he proofreads my writing--because he only kind of does--as the fact that I think he finds the whole idea novel and interesting and a little bit odd. 

Some number of months ago, not too long after I signed off for the indefinite future, Grant and I were rolling around in bed and talking about things we had done. I had previously noticed—because it was obvious—that when I told him stories about my past, he would become particularly aggressive and affectionate. Therefore, it does not require that much imagination to figure out why I told Grant about this blog.

At the time, there was some discussion regarding if he should know the blog’s name just yet. We decided to wait, and I emailed him the original email I had sent a lover about a year before that inspired this whole literary endeavor. He told me he would read it when he felt ready.

About four months later, I got a text from Grant while I was at work. He wanted a link.

I internally hemmed and hawed for a little bit, because this blog is, ultimately, embellishments of things that I’ve done with other people, and I know that I could never, ever read something like this blog as written by a current lover, as it would make me absolutely crazy and miserable with jealousy.

“Are you sure?” I replied.

“I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure.”

So I sent him the link. And I became anxious.

When I saw him that night, I asked what he had thought. He told me relatively little about how he felt about it, and that he hadn’t really read that much.

I discovered over the course of the next few days that “that much” really meant “I know all about Buddy Holly and I kind of like the graphs.”

And here we are. I'm currently working to amass a nice cushion of material to post when I don't have time to write, but now that I have one particularly vocal and particularly interesting audience member, I suppose it's not unreasonable to think that finally, my more regular updates might be back for good.


I'm so glad that my (awesome) readership has decided to come back and join me again for more adventures in storytelling that's 80% real and 20% fabricated or embellished (but which 20% is something I'll never reveal). I've missed writing here, I've missed the creative outlet, and I'm delighted to find that you guys missed lil' ol' me, too. It feels good to be back.


A bientot!
Margot


PS: A: it's all of you who have both thumbs and a boyfriend. Let's not pretend that there's a single boyfriend out there who's not into smut, but only the special ones also love a good graph.

brewer

Grant is curious about the things that I write here.

The other evening, he and I had spent the day together in a smallish suburb of our fair city. We visited museums with surprisingly extensive collections for the middle of nowhere, shops that indulge our mutual interest in out-of-print books, and found a surprisingly great pub with a delicious, exclusive brew. We sat at the bar and ate mussels and drank lager and talked about the kinds of sex I want to have and the kinds of sex that I had previously enjoyed. He shared similar information.

“So what kind of names do you like to be called?” Grant’s voice is low; he is a number of things but an extrovert isn’t one of them.

“Oh, you know, like ‘whore’ and ‘slut,’ that kind of thing. I chose not to think too much about why I like it, because I’m pretty sure that would just make me less happy.”

“You’re probably right. What else do you like?”

“Bruises.”

“What?”

“Not on my face, not on my neck, but handprints on my ass, that sort of thing.”

“You like power dynamics.”

“Oh yes. I like it when you’re in charge.”

“You like being dominated.”

“Uh-huh.” I squirm in my chair. I’m pretty sure the barmaids are not actually paying attention to us. Grant changes the subject.

In the car on the way home, we revisit our bar conversation.  We are discussing where I like to be slapped, how I like being tied up, and the fact that the backs of my knees are surprisingly sensitive when I look over and see that Grant’s cock is straining against the fly of his jeans, and there is a tiny, tiny wet spot bleeding through at the tip.

“Did you ever take naked photos of yourself?” he asks, my hand snaking across his lap to investigate these new developments.

“Yes, but a lot of them have my ex in them.”

“Can I see them?”

“Some. If you want, we can swing by my place for pictures.” We are planning to stay at his place for the night, as his roommate is out of town for the month.

“Ok.” My hand explores his hardening cock.

When we stop by my house, Grant stays in the car while I run in to grab a box of restraints and an envelope full of old polaroids of me and Simon, or photos of me taken by Simon, that were the spoils of that breakup. Looking at them feels awkward at best to me, and I flip through the stack of pictures to find the ones that reveal as little of Simon as possible and that flatter my then-22-year-old body, and then stuff the rest of them back in an envelope that lives somewhere out of sight and out of mind. I run back to Grant’s car with my spoils, and offer to show him one photo. He has to pick from a fanned-out selection of blank boxes on the backs of the pictures.

He selects one where I am adjusting a strap-on. He laughs before starting the car back up and driving us home. His erection has not faded in the slightest in the face of these photos.

When we get into his house, we drop our things on the floor. Grant wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me, his hands running up and down my back from ass to shoulder. They find the hem of my shirt, pull it off over my head, and fling it across the kitchen table.

“What do you want to do?” he inquires. He is playing with my belt buckle, and eventually loosening it. His breath in my ear is hot, and it resonates through my brain and down my spine. I pull out of his embrace and kneel. I pull his jeans to the floor with me and bring his cock into my mouth, where it hits the back of my throat and I struggle not to gag. He pulls my hair into his fists and guides my head along his shaft.

“Get up,” he says. “Bend over.”

I comply: I stand up and bend at the waist, forearms on the table to steady myself. Grant grabs my hipbones, hikes them up, and enters me from behind. I am so wet that he slides into me with ease, and he fucks me against the table until I come, and clear fluid leaks from my body down my leg to a puddle on the floor. He decides we need to go to the bedroom.

He pushes me onto the bed and lands on top of me, covering me with his body. He grabs my hair with both hands and uses it to pull my face to his and kiss me. My hips are pressing insistently into his, and he enters me again. He lets go of my head with one hand and uses it to push a leg over his shoulder, bending it back so my knee touches my breast.

Grant’s penis has a curve to it that is difficult to describe. When we are not actively fucking I like to tease him that he is built for sex, because it is so easy to have mind-ending orgasms with him inside of me, easier and far more pleasurable than it has ever been with anyone else. Tonight is no exception, and I tighten around him and muffle my cries into his chest. 

We have been having sex for about an hour and a half. We decide we need a break. We take a shower and return to his bedroom. We contemplate changing the sheets and decide against it.

“Margot, what is your favorite thing you’ve ever written in your blog?”

“My favorite thing or a thing I think you might like?”

“Either-or.”

“Well, I think this one is particularly hot, but knowing you I think you’ll really like this one.”

He starts to read. He starts to get hard. I stroke his cock. He sighs and raises his hips to my touch.

“Suck my cock, Margot.”

I comply.

I look up and see the pale monitor light reflected in his glasses as he scrolls through my writing.  One hand operates the touchpad on his computer, the other alternately pulls my hair and plays with my breasts while I lick and stroke his dick. There is an exceptional amount of fluid dripping from the tip into my mouth.

“How much of this is real?”

“I’m busy, I’ll tell you later,” I reply, the sound muffled by his erection on my tongue.

His hips are thrusting into my face, and his hand holding my head steady. He is groaning and sighing as his other hand joins its mate in controlling his angle of penetration.

“I need to fuck you,” he pants. “I don’t care if it’s your face or your cunt or any other part of you, but I need to fuck you.”

I lift my face off of him and roll onto my back.

“Fuck my tits, then.” I reply.

He straddles my ribcage. My saliva is all over his cock as I press my breasts around it. He thrusts across my sternum and I lick the tip of his glans ever time it approaches my mouth.

He is flushed. He groans and sighs. He alerts me that he is very, very close to orgasm.

I squeeze my breasts more tightly together; I can get the tip of his penis into my mouth. His glans is swollen and its now-rigid corona catches my flesh as he thrusts in and out of the valley between my tits.

Grant exhales deeply. He comes in ropes across my chest, this fluid streaking across my neck and face and landing in my hair and on the headboard. His orgasm is prolonged, and as a result there is a truly astonishing amount of liquid on my skin and in the sheets.

Grant dismounts from my torso. His breathing is heavy. Before he can lean in to kiss me, I have found a tissue and have cleaned my lips and eye. He kisses me and chuckles a little bit; wiping more of his come off of my face.

“I think I need another shower,” I tell him.

“Ok.” He blushes. “I’m sorry I kind of messed you up.” Grant has returned to his normal self: kind, considerate, and a touch shy.

I grab a slightly damp towel and head off to the bathroom. When I return, Grant has changed the sheets and is waiting for me in bed. My old photos are scattered across the room. I crawl under the covers with him and straddle his lap. He kisses my nose and forehead while stroking my back.

We make plans for the rest of the weekend that include a bike trip in a nearby national park before I fall asleep, my chest to his back with an arm over his waist, with his arms covering mine. When I wake in the morning, we have rotated and traded places. We go to brunch and share our food. We are obligated to spend this day apart.

We will only be apart for 24 hours, but I always am excited for him to come back home to me.

all you need is one

It is New Year’s Eve and unseasonably warm, and I am out to begin celebrating with some close friends. My girlfriends and I, we are all grad students and we are all in that special hell that’s populated exclusively with the smart, the miserable, and the not particularly self-aware.

We start off our evening with a heavyish meal, as our plans for later involve more whiskey than I like to remember. We are at a greasy sandwich shop, enjoying falafel and hummus wraps coupled with fries covered in jalapeños, with a side of champagne for my girlfriends and a diet coke with Jim Beam from my flask for me. We laugh, not realizing that this moment is one of those perfect times that I can look back at now and see how beautiful our friendships were in the midst of a sea of more professional bullshit than I had ever imagined. We toast all the horrible things that are finally ending with 2010: problems with our exes, problems with our families, problems with our schooling, problems with our credit card bills, and to the glimmer of hope that’s promised ever year on this day in the few hours before midnight. We inhale our meal and hail a cab to a party in the northern part of our fair city that we like to joke will be populated with about two hundred women, seven hundred gay men, and maybe 5 straight(ish) ones, and more sequins than you could find in the costumes for Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. We are ultimately very correct in our assessment.

Over dinner, I have been telling Siobhán just how badly I want to fuck someone else to get the bitter taste of Adam out of my mouth. She teases me about the words I use, she teases me about my sex drive, she teases me about going to the gayest new year’s party in the city if what I really want is to fuck a man.  I take it in stride and return the jokes to her.

“All I need is one dude who’s willing to take my pants off,” I tell her, “and then it really doesn’t matter just how little the rest of them care about my junk.”

“Fair,” she says. “After all, if the incidence of something is 1 in 1,000 in the real world, but it happens to you, the incidence for you is 1 in 1.”

“Siobhán, that’s the nerdiest way I’ve ever heard a hookup described. Ever.”

“You’re welcome.”

We snag a cab and arrive just in time to beat a mass of fashionably late types to our new year’s event. We shed our coats. We get drinks. We strengthen them from my flask that’s tucked into the top of my boot.  We assess the crowd and find a blank spot for dancing.

My friends and I take sweaty, smiling pictures of each other all night. My outfit for the evening (black tanktop, black tights, black boots, black leather miniskirt, and a poorly-thought-out, visible through my shirt only in a camera flash, turquoise bra) is well documented next to my friends’ flashy party dresses and broad grins. There are photos of women embracing whose relationships—romantic or otherwise—have since dissolved, and photos of new friendships in their awkward beginnings before a deeper, more intimate connection is later forged.

I love these photos. I hate these photos.

After 45 minutes or so, I see a tall, boyish-faced man from the corner of my eye.

He looks at me, smiles, and looks away; he tells something to one of his friends.

I look at Siobhán: “All I need is one,” I remind her. She laughs and continues her dancing, which is a charming mix of voguing and gyrations over a beatific smile that never fails to attract a suitor.

I look up and see that stranger’s grin, this time with a wink. I look him in the face, raise an eyebrow in his direction, and keep up my dancing.

This tango goes on for longer than I anticipate.

I feel a tap on my shoulder.

I turn around to see someone other than who I expect, who happens to be standing about 3 feet away and talking to some other friend. The stranger I want to see is completely oblivious to this exchange.

This suitor is not a beautiful man, wearing not a beautiful hat, using not exactly eloquent words and covered in not particularly alluring sweat, and I think he might be hitting on me.

I may only need one to meet my goal for the evening, but just because an opportunity presents itself does not mean I am obligated to take it.

In equal parts desperation and irritation, I swing around to the tall, boyish man that I was hoping was seeking my attention. I tap his shoulder, square my shoulders and squeeze my breasts together with my upper arms, and when he turns to me I ask him, very bluntly:

“Would you like to dance with me?”

“Yes.”

The other suitor is completely crestfallen. I really don’t care.

His arm slides around my waist and I place my hands on his shoulders. We are far enough apart to be acceptable for a middle school party.

“What’s your name?”

“Margot. You?”

“I’m Louis.”

We dance for the next hour between now and midnight. He tells me what he does for a living. I tell him what I do. He tells me that he is from my fair city, I tell him that my hometown is several hundred miles away and I am surprised to discover that he used to work there. He is smart and charming and a little bit grabbier than I expect.

When midnight rolls around he pulls me in and kisses me with one hand exploring the texture of my woven tights under the short hemline of my leather miniskirt.

For the next 45 minutes we continue this dance. He kisses me and gropes me, he tells me that he expects me to slap him at any minute and is surprised when I don’t. I see my friends over his shoulder and they are keeping a watchful, yet encouraging, eye on my activities. Siobhán has wandered off somewhere with one of Louis’s group and I don’t hear from her until the next day.

When he tries to cup my pussy under my skirt on the dance floor, I draw a line.

“For that,” I inform him, “you better just take me home.”

“Ok.”

We leave. We scamper out of the club like we’re getting away with something. We get a cab driven by a dry old man who could not care less about our excitement as long as we don’t destroy his backseat.

“Unicorn Lane and la Ravaudeuse Road,” I yelp, crashing into the cab and on top of my newfound paramour.

“Ok.” The cab driver has clearly been a witness to this scene several times over in just this one evening.

In the relative privacy of the backseat, Louis bites my earlobes and my neck, he pulls down the tops of my tights and his aggressive hand is immediately exploring my anatomy.

“Margot, when we get to your house I am going to eat your pussy for at least an hour.”

I spread my thighs and stifle a moan, I tell him not to make me come in the cab because the driver would probably hate it. He laughs. I unzip his pants and wrap my free hand around the base of his cock.

Many months later, Louis tells me that the comment that I make, that he is thicker than I anticipate, was so unexpected to him that he struggled not to come into my palm at that moment.

We put ourselves together when the cab careens to a halt at the designated corner. Louis flings some money at the driver as we tumble out. I lead him halfway down the block to the front door of my building. His hands are up my skirt as he follows me up the stairs to my apartment’s front door. I let us in and shed all my clothes on the walk back to my room. I hear astonished comments from behind me.

We arrive at the back of the apartment. Louis is naked too, he presses against me in a heated, urgent kiss. I drop to my knees and take his cock into my mouth as he grabs my hair, in part to steady his bulk and in part from the thrill of dominating a relatively unknown woman. This only last a minute before he pulls me up by the underarms and presses me towards the bed. I land on my back.

It is his turn to drop to his knees. He makes good on the promise he made me in the cab: while it isn’t anywhere approaching an hour, it is plenty of time for me to come with my pussy squeezing the three fingers he has shoved inside me while I arch my back and pant.

I breathlessly tell him that the condoms are, of course, in the bedside drawer. He grabs one and rolls it on. As soon as he is done, I am on top of him and riding him while he squeezes my ass. He pulls me forward by the waist and lands his face between my breasts. He pinches and bites my nipples when I ask him to. I pull his hair when he asks me to. I come in a flood across his pelvis.

He rolls me over on my back without missing a beat and bends me in half to put my legs over his shoulders. He bites me and sucks my earlobes, his nails scratch into my waist and hips as deeply as mine do into his back. When he comes he lets out a guttural sound that shakes my diaphragm.

We are silent except for our heavy breath.

After, we talk. I discover that Louis is a good person, or at least he passes for one on what I expect is a one-night stand. He tells me more intimate details about his life that night than he will ever be comfortable telling me later, because I am a perfect stranger to him. I tell him fewer of my own and am generally cooler than I ever could normally be, because he is a perfect stranger to me. He is older than he looks, and more complex than he likes to be.

“Happy new year,” he mutters to me before we fall asleep. It is 4am.

The next morning, a thick hand parting my labia and exploring my clit coupled with a hard dick pressing into my back awakens me, and I am exactly on the edge of orgasm. When another hand finds my now-sore breast and stimulates an aching nipple, I moan and shudder into consciousness.

When I am a thinking person again, I roll over onto my belly and place myself between this stranger’s thighs. He is hard again. I take him into my mouth, with one hand gripping the base of his cock and the other fondling his balls. Louis is not yet friendly enough to call me names, so instead he grabs my hair and complements my skills before he orgasms down my throat.

After a few minutes we are both calm. We are both finding out more about each other, these two relative unknowns who will, we find out later, be perfectly unmatched.

I offer him a shower, and ask if he wants to get brunch. He politely declines, saying that he has to meet his friends from last night. I check my phone to find about ten texts from last night, ranging from friends reminding me to be safe and careful to complimenting me, to Siobhán asking if I want to get our customary New Year’s meal of lo mein, which is an invitation that I accept.

Louis reassembles himself in his sweaty clothes. I put on some pajamas and make coffee. He kisses me on the cheek in the kitchen before we trade phone numbers. As I see him out the door, my roommate wanders out of her room and looks at Louis, then back at me, and then promptly goes back to bed.

I wrongly expect to never see him again.