Thursday, April 7, 2011

i suppose that's one good word, yes.

It's not really a pickup line so much as a fait accompli.

CONTEXT: The morning after I met Louis (which is an excellent story for another time), he and I were rolling around in bed after he woke me up my fingering my pussy until I came. His hand is in my hair, I am kissing the inside of his thigh, then I lick the underside of his cock from the base to the tip. I am looking him straight in the eyes as I take almost the entirety of him into my mouth.

THE LINE: “You're such a seductress.”

DID IT WORK: I can't think of a rubric where it didn't. I swallowed his orgasm, he rolled me over and sucked my clit and fucked me.

We have repeated this experiment in many different iterations since.

I'm pretty sure that means it worked.

NB: My friend Siobhán is quick to point out that the oral sex that you are receiving at that moment is the greatest oral sex in the world by virtue of the fact that it is happening NOW. I like to think there's more to it than that.


  1. I DO like that adjective, yes I do, and I am looking forward to hearing the story of how you met.

    I think your friend is wrong though; I for one have definitely been on the receiving end of mediocre or worse or sex, which can be described as boring, frustrating and/or uncomfortable. The best (oral or otherwise) sex at any given moment is being had by those who are enjoying it the most...

  2. Oh...I have also received very bad oral sex, and worse of all extremely uncomfortable hand jobs.
    I think the best oral sex that you ever have is the oral sex that you enjoyed a lot but also felt guilty about receiving, even though you wanted it badly. Ask any priest.
    Guilt, illictness and danger are definite factors in the pleasure in sex.
    If you agree with the Heisenberg uncertainty principle then you must conclude that if you are in the NOW and observing the act upon yourself, you can not be certain of the position anything, which includes the ranking in quality of the oral sex - as by definition you are observing the process subjectively and therefore are in no mental state to make an objective analysis.

  3. There has been a word rattling in my head ever since I read this. Not so loud that it keeps me awake at night, but enough to be a distraction when I'm trying to think of other things. It's a shy word. All I can tell from the rattle is that it ends with "x". Maybe.

  4. fox?
    dominatrix (definitely not a shy word)?

    I'm very curious about this shy word.

  5. Fellatrix!

    I feel better now. And maybe I'll sleep better, who knows.